The Loaf of Giving

Jim will wake up with a start as a pigeon slams into his window for the third time that week.

Jim will think, “I have to get that tinted so this stops happening.”

Unbeknownst to Jim, the pigeons will be doing this on purpose. At the time, Jim will come into possession of a mystical item that will be prized by pigeons around the globe. Yes, Jim will unwittingly attain possession of The Loaf of Giving. 

Jim will go about his day as he would any other day. He will shower, shave, and then plop in front of his computer. You see, Jim will be unemployed. But then, the vast majority of young people will be unemployed. Moving on.

While Jim is sitting on his bean bag, the pigeons will be hatching a plan to get to The Loaf of Giving. It will be a truly nefarious plan involving cunning, timing, and a lot of smashing into windows. Pigeons won’t be very bright.

Pigeon 1,” Coo, CooOooOoo Coo.”

Pigeon 2, “Coo, Coo, Coooooo.”

Pigeon 1, “Cooooo Coo COOO, Cacoo.”

Pigeon 2, “CoooCooCoo, Coo.”

Pigeon 1,” Coo.”

Marty, “Coo Coo Cajoo.”

As far as anyone will be able to tell, this will mark the pigeons’ declaration of war against Jim and his dastardly windows. Jim will be unaware of this because Jim will be too busy watching Broman the Centurion. And, as usual, Jim will be lying on his unemployment forms. Some will believe that this alone will mean Jim will have it coming to him.

Halfway through Broman the Centurion: Babaloo Rises, someone will hear what sounds like a pigeon uprising. While it will not be an entirely accurate description, it will seem spot-on from where Jim is sitting.

The Pigeons will mount such an attack on Jim’s window that it will shatter under the immense pressure. Many pigeons will give their lives in this most noble engagement. Within seconds, the pigeons will be within Jim’s shabby abode. Jim will attempt to defend himself. However, he will do this in the worst way imaginable.

Jim will race to the kitchen.

He will grab The Loaf of Giving.

He will then proceed to swing it at the pigeons.

This sacrilege will not go unnoticed by the pigeons, well, not for too long, at least (again, pigeons won’t be that bright). The pigeons will attack Jim without mercy for this. The details of this assault will be too graphic for description. Jim will never be seen or heard from again, nor will his loaf of bread. At least, it won’t be seen by human eyes.

^{_{© 2009 Jonny Writes}}